Big Brother

Da ge. The Chinese word for big brother. Before the babies were born Ben became utterly obsessed with an "Arthur" episode on PBS. One of the characters (Binky, in case you are curious) was going to become a big brother. His parents were adopting a little girl from China. After watching the episode about 149 times, Ben began referring to himself as Da Ge. As in, "I am the Da Ge, mom." And what a Da Ge he has turned out to be.

Chris and I both expressed some worry about how our oldest beetle would transition into our new world with twins. He had become accustomed to our life as a family of three. While we've tried to instill patience and sharing into our oldest child, the truth of the matter is while it was just the three of us, there really weren't very many occasions where we had other pressing matters to attend to. If Ben wanted a snack, there wasn't really any reason why I couldn't get it for him within a minute or two of his request. While we weren't as worried about meeting his every wish immediately once the twins arrived, we could not ignore that things would inevitably change. More importantly, we worried that our sweet Bennie would feel left out. Leading up to delivery and especially those first couple of weeks when we were traveling back and forth to the hospital, it broke my heart to think he would feel like his whole life had changed.

If I only had a crystal ball to see into the future. My worry was for nothing. Of course there are days when he wants his goldfish and he wants them right NOW, but the big stuff, the stuff that matters most? That is going remarkably well. Our oldest Beetle LOVES being the Da Ge. In fact, his preschool teachers have told us they cannot believe how well he has adjusted and that not to toot our own horns, but we should be pretty proud of ourselves as parents because he has done so well (which of course is what this worried mama needed to hear).

The affection he shows to his baby brother and sister is enough to bring tears to my eyes. He is constantly loving on them, giving kisses and hugs and asking to hold one of the babies. In the first few days when the twins were home, he took the time to introduce himself to both Harper and Sam, getting down right near each of their little faces and said so sweetly, so quietly you almost couldn't here him: "I am your Da Ge, your big brother. I love you Sam, I love you Harper."

Now, even though the novelty of having two new babies in the house seems to have wore off a bit, he still won't go to bed without giving each baby a gentle (for the most part!) kiss on the head and an I love you. He's taken to calling Sammie his "Sam-which" or "Bro" (just like his dad and Uncle J) and Harper has become "Harpster, "sist" or "ne-ne" (Chinese for little sister thanks again to Arthur). Going back to Dad and Uncy J, we often talk to Ben about how he and Sam are always going to be friends, just like Chris and Jason. Ben usually replies with something like, "yeah when we get bigger we are going to have bunk beds" or "when we get bigger we are going to drive around together" or "when we get bigger we are going to Canada together to snowboard" or "when we get bigger, me and Sam are going to live together forever." It is pretty much the cutest thing ever.

And so if my crystal ball could have showed me how Ben would never feel left out, but instead has gained two new best friends, I would have spent a whole less time worrying. But then again, I guess that's what parents do.

 

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